Yes, it's the Christmas turkey - Christmas Flowers UK

After appearing face down on a doctor’s couch having his prostate checked live on This Morning last month, Paul Ross must have feared his place at the top of this year’s Most Embarrassing TV Moments list was assured. 

But then, with the season of goodwill approaching, the true power of brotherly love showed itself. 

Well, why else would a singing Jonathan Ross have agreed to appear dressed as Father christmas flowers uk  to launch ITV1’s live charity extravaganza Text Santa last Sunday?

While I'm never against helping less fortunate souls, I'm afraid to say that like so many an ITV enterprise this looks like it's being done on half power

There is one possible answer of course. He, like so many other ITV big names, was heavily leaned on to put his weight behind this cheesy bid to compete with the BBC’s legendary charity nights. 

Most casual observers will have already noted ITV’s bandwagon-jumping ambitions this year. 

Programmes like Holding Out For A Hero, Sing If You Can and Born To Shine were obviously water-testers for the big one. 

But while I’m never against helping less fortunate souls, I’m afraid to say that like so many an ITV enterprise this looks like it’s being done on half power.

The truth is, whatever ITV’s real motives, some people will always point to the fact that their very survival relies on making programmes that attract healthy advertising. 

So excuse me for being a tad cynical. But when I see Barry Manilow clumsily plugging next year’s tour or Simon Pegg and Nick Frost imploring us to donate while sitting in front of a massive Tintin poster I can’t help but roll my eyes and sigh, ‘Here we go again.’ 

And that was before David Cameron got in on the act by meeting a heroic foster mum called Doreen. 

Doreen’s reaction said it all. ‘It can’t possibly be the PM. He’s far too busy.’ 

Well Doreen, you’d think he ought to be. But you know Dave. Never too busy for a spot of positive spinning.

On a bad day I might go further and suggest ITV is brazenly storing up good credits for when the next batch of mentally unbalanced auditionees are chewed up and spat out by Britain’s Got Talent and The X Factor. But, motive aside, the biggest problem I have with Text Santa is the timing of it. 

Now, I’m sure ITV would love to think that the nation will settle down for a two-hour extravaganza on Christmas Eve. But surely most people will be too busy running round like maniacs to be bothered with watching Ant & Dec tackle the least scary Bushtucker Trial. 

That said, I probably will keep an eye on it. Mainly to find out exactly what Christine Bleakley meant when she said: ‘And Holly Willoughby will be here for a spectacular showing.’ 

What will Holly be showing? Not sure, but they do say christmas flowers uk blogs is a time for hope. 

Footnote. Fair play to Elton John for being the only celebrity not to don a tacky Text Santa hat. He’ll do many things for charity will our Elt. But appear in public with something ridiculous atop his head? Never.

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The Xtra Factor’s hostess Caroline Flack seemed to be enjoying herself on BBC2’s late-night music quiz Never Mind The Buzzcocks on Monday night. But such a pity her One Direction boyfriend Harry Styles wouldn’t have been able to watch it. Way past his bedtime.

Another one bites the dust...

Forget all that ‘end of an era’ nonsense.

I think I’ve worked out why ITV really called Westlife’s farewell TV special For The Last Time. 

Because those are the four words millions of people have most readily associated with the band these past 14 years. 

Westlife have made some memorable recordings (of other people's songs) over the years

As in ‘For the last time, will you please turn that flippin’ boyband rubbish off?!’ 

I’m only kidding, fellas. Westlife have made some memorable recordings (of other people’s songs) over the years. 

Why, I once even murdered Flying Without Wings myself at a works karaoke night as Louis Walsh sat mystified in the front row. 

So next time you want to accuse me of not understanding what torments The X Factor contestants are going through, think again my friends. (For the record, Louis later said I reminded him of ‘a young Smokey Robinson.’) 

Truth is, as ITV music specials go this was one of the better ones. But a couple of things about it still troubled me. 

Why, when it had the same target audience, did ITV put it up against the Strictly final?

And why did the boys claim, ‘If it wasn’t for Louis Walsh we wouldn’t be here today?’ 

I mean, surely Simon Cowell must also take at least part of the blame.

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Let he who is without sin... 

More on the Frozen Planet ‘faked-footage’ scandal. 

Turns out that the Emperor penguin’s comedy fall in episode three was all a set-up. 

And the word is David Attenborough even told the penguin he could swing a pair of Wimbledon tickets from his mates at the Beeb if he made it look extra convincing. 

Seriously though? I can’t help feeling it was a lot of fuss over nothing.

But hey, at least it gave James Whale the chance to dismiss the furore while guesting on ITV1’s GMTV replacement, Daybreak, of all places: ‘Well, it’s not like some phone competition where they’re fiddling the winners, is it?’

Now that’s what I call a killer, Whale.

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The end of an era at Countdown last Friday as Jeff Stelling made his farewell appearance. He has been a revelation and he will be missed. But I can’t wait to see how his replacement, Nick Hewer, fares. 

Hewer’s been the best thing about The Apprentice for years. So fair play to C4 for finally giving him the chance to go Sugar free. 

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Over at Tuesday’s Loose Women Janet Street-Porter revealed she once played the part of Joseph in her school Nativity play. Blimey. I would have loved to have seen the teeth on whoever pipped her to the role of the donkey.

Axe in haste, repent at your leisure 

It was only right that BBC2’s brutally – and foolishly – axed Shooting Stars was recognised at the 2011 British Comedy Awards. 

Sadly, elsewhere that shortlist did something which most of the names on it have regularly failed to do this year – it made me laugh. 

It was only right that BBC2's brutally - and foolishly - axed Shooting Stars was recognised at the 2011 British Comedy Awards

Still, I am indebted to the judges for placing David Walliams and Matt Lucas’s dismal Come Fly With Me in the Best Sketch Show category. 

I’ve always wondered what it was meant to be.

Don’t sing for it. Argos it. 

I had to smile when Simon Cowell declared The X Factor judges had done ‘a great job’ this year. 

Because if he can issue a dreaded vote of confidence like that while keeping a straight face Cowell would make a brilliant football club chairman. 

The X Factor's 'global superstar' stand-in judge Alexandra Burke was flogging watches on Argos TV. That's just embarrassing.com, for everyone concerned

Cowell’s baby this year were the folks over at Strictly Come Dancing who oversaw a joy of a series from start to end. 

Still, I guess we can take comfort from the fact that a group finally won Cowell’s karaoke cup. 

Because at least they’ll be able to comfort each other when it all goes a bit Matt Cardle. 

But if someone asked me to sum up The X Factor 2011 I’d simply tell them to check out what the show’s ‘global superstar’ stand-in judge Alexandra Burke was doing last Tuesday night. 

Flogging watches on Argos TV. That’s just embarrassing.com, for everyone concerned.

Now that’s a reality show

I hope this year’s crop of talent-show wannabes watched BBC2’s Monday-night documentary about the finalists of 1986’s New Faces. 

Because I Had The X Factor... 25 Years Ago told some pretty harsh truths. 

Not least the story of wild partying comic Vinny Cadman who ended up down on his luck and sleeping in a bin for a year. 

Yet still climbed out of it looking cleaner than Frankie Cocozza does now.

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BBC2 is about to broadcast a show called I’ve Never Seen Star Wars in which celebrities will attempt to do something they’ve never done before. Rumours that Ricky Gervais will have a go at being humble are as yet unconfirmed.

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You’d be foolish to miss the Christmas edition of ITV2’s Peter Andre: My Life, which sees our hero preparing to play a gig in Norfolk.

Peter Andre taking his latest musical offerings to the land of the condemned turkeys. Kind of apt really.

You'd be foolish to miss the Christmas edition of ITV2's Peter Andre: My Life, which sees our hero preparing to play a gig in Norfolk

On paper Frank Skinner’s BBC2 social-discussion show Class Dismissed looked pretty thin. But the three comics they chose to illustrate Britain’s classes, Miles Jupp, Micky Flanagan and Roisin Conaty, did a great job. 

Best line was Micky moaning that ‘only posh people understand modern art.’ 

No, Micky. Only posh people are stupid enough to pay for it.

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Kerry Katona has signed up for a new Channel 5 series called Celebrity Wedding Planner, in which couples allow a celebrity to plan their entire Big Day. 

Apparently Kerry is very excited by the project and if it’s a success would be really keen to lend her valuable expertise to a possible follow-up series. Celebrity Divorce Planner.

Minor British Institutions: Christmas lights - Christmas Flowers UK

What could be more innocent than celebrating our winter festival with light to defy the darkness and warm the soul? Not in Britain, however, where no opportunity, however sweet, simple and unpromising, is missed to demonstrate distinctions and supposed superiorities, ie, nudge and smirk.

Thus you will of course be aware that christmas flowers uk lights should only be white, despite a regrettable recent tendency to blue.

Lights should not flash in sequence. Only restrained outside lighting is allowed, and never on the house itself. That latter is the preserve of happy unhumbugs who really like christmas flowers uk blogs : Mr Paul Toole, for example, who, according to a newspaper report, has 50,000 lights on and around his home in Wells, Somerset ("unbelievably tacky", commented a reader from Oxford).

Elsewhere, the usual rows about the expense and absence of public lights are flickering nicely all round the country. We say: lighten up everybody.

Desperate retailers stage festive fight to boost sales - Christmas Flowers uk

A raft of panic-stricken retailers have launched their winter sales in a desperate attempt to kick-start spending ahead of christmas flowers uk .

Fashion chain French Connection, which issued a profit warning earlier this month, has brought forward its sale by a week over fears it could be left with mountains of stock as shoppers wait until the last minute to make festive purchases.

American chain Gap launched a 60 per cent-off sale, and home improvement chain B&Q, owned by Kingfisher, starts its January sale today which will run until March – the firm’s longest-ever sale.

Winter woes: The ONS says High Street sales dropped by 0.4 per cent last month

The flood of early discounting is not a healthy sign, as Britain’s battered retailers fight fierce battles using promotions and price cuts to lure the festive pound.

Shoppers are reining in spending on all but the most essential of items, and many know that if they hold out long enough then retailers will slash their prices.

More...

Moss Bros looking sharp again as sales increase by 13pc

Lloyds chief Horta-Osorio splashes out on comeback

Publisher DC Thomson racks up earnings

There was speculation that Sir Philip Green would also be launching sales today at his Dorothy Perkins, Burton, and Wallis chains, but sources close to his Arcadia firm denied this.

It was, however, unclear whether a such a move was imminent in coming days.

The latest official statistics paint a gloomy picture.

Sales volumes for November fell 0.4 per cent from the previous month, according to the Office for National Statistics, with poor sales of computers, watches, jewellery and carpets.

Stripping out fuel, the figures were even worse, down 0.7 per cent as discounts and promotions failed to entice shoppers, casting more doubt over high street prospects this christmas flowers uk blogs .

The drop in sales was slightly bigger than the City had expected and brought to an end two months of growth.

Sofa giant DFS also disappointed, blaming continuing weak demand for a 14 per cent dip in sales to £128.2million in the 13 weeks to October 29.

The private equity-owned firm, which did not give underlying sales or pre-tax profit figures, said underlying profit fell 43 per cent to £15.2million, partly as a result of opening new stores.

There was one glimmer of light. Sports Direct posted flat half-year pre-tax profit of £100million on sales of £888million, keeping it on track for annual profits of £215million.

This profit target would trigger a £12million share windfall for Newcastle United owner Mike Ashley, who controls the firm. The firm (down 9.5p to 190p), said retail revenues increased 8.2 per cent to £697.1million.

Cross-curricular resources: Winter solstice - Christmas Flowers UK

Modern Britain has a great deal to learn from the centuries-old traditions of the winter solstice, says Professor Ronald Hutton

Winter solstice, 22 December

In parts of the world where the seasons change dramatically between summer and winter, the solstices (the longest and shortest days of the year) have been celebrated for centuries. And the most intense of these festivities has always been midwinter. There are both symbolic and practical reasons for this. The lengthening of the light after the greatest darkness represents a time of rebirth and renewal. And, on a more practical level, there was traditionally less work to be done, whether it was farming the land, trading with neighbours or fighting some foreign war.

Certainly, Europeans have always marked the winter solstice, and their ancient names for it - Saturnalia (Roman), Modranicht (Anglo-Saxon) and Yule (Scandinavian) - are known wherever pre-Christian cultures were recorded.

For Christians, it is best known as the Feast of the Nativity or christmas flowers uk , which has been held at midwinter ever since the fourth century and is the most intensively celebrated festival of the year, with more rites and customs than any other. All this makes it of great importance to a historian. But what relevance does an understanding of the winter solstice have for students in more general education?

The answer is firmly bound up with the phenomenon of globalisation. First, it acknowledges the current supremacy of Western - above all American - culture in the world, which has made the christmas flowers uk blogs holiday the most commonly recognised and observed around the planet. Second, it is important to recognise that developed nations are increasingly multicultural entities. This is especially true of Britain where, more and more, we seek common needs and qualities to unite a society in which many groups either have never been Christian or have ceased to be so.

Fortunately, our own history furnishes us with four of these commonalities - all rooted in the nature of the season itself.

The first is the need to keep ourselves cheerful at the time when natural light is at its most scarce and there is a general lack of warmth, food, flowers, greenery or easy travel. So it is not surprising that feasting lies at the centre of all traditional accounts of the festival; a great meal at which family, household, court or band could fill their bellies and make merry together. The modern Christmas dinner is our expression of this in brightly lit, snugly heated homes. (The Yule log and large Christmas candles are two further representations.)

If light and warmth were defiantly reasserted, then so too was greenery, as homes and holy places were decorated with whatever survived: for a long time just holly and ivy. Then the Germans took up the custom of the Christmas tree in the 17th century and gave it to the British in the 19th. In between came the mistletoe bough - and the tradition of kissing beneath it - which brightened up the dark nights of 18th-century London.

A second enduring feature is the making of fresh plans and resolutions in preparation for the return of warmth and activity, as the winter solstice represents the traditional New Year for most Europeans.

Many customs were devoted to blessing the home: Scottish Highlanders took burning juniper around it, while in southern Scotland and northern England the first person to call after the arrival of the New Year brought good fortune. In southern Britain, people would sing to each other - and even to their beasts, fields and orchards, known as wassailing - to woo good luck. The greatest act of well-wishing, however, was to give gifts at the New Year, a custom recorded since pagan Roman times and surviving in our modern-day Christmas presents.

The third characteristic of midwinter is charity, based on the humane impulse to assist those who not could afford to make merry (and coupled with the more practical reality that the poor might slit their wealthier neighbours’ throats unless their resentments were tempered). Collecting and giving to the poor was known in variant local English terms as Thomasing, Gooding, Mumping, Hoggling or Hognelling. Able-bodied working men could earn the food and money for their household feasts by performing songs, dances or plays to please the better off - such as the Mummers’ Play, Sword Dances and, of course, carols.

The final trait of the festival was Misrule - recognising that this was a season when mud, darkness and storms threatened even the best-sheltered communities. Misrule reversed the usual order of society: in ancient Rome masters served slaves; in medieval cathedrals Boy Bishops presided; Lords of Misrule lorded it over wealthy Tudor and Stuart households; and schoolboys were allowed to “bar out” their teachers from classrooms. Today, party games, paper hats and pantomimes preserve this atmosphere, but a less hierarchical society has largely discarded the need for Misrule.

The winter solstice has provided us with a cluster of imperatives and associations that create symbols and activities to unite speakers of all the 130 languages now used in Britain. As educationalists we need to understand, and celebrate, the solstice - and share it with our student audience.

Ronald Hutton is professor of history at Bristol University and the author of 14 books, including “The Stations of the Sun: a history of the ritual year in Britain”

What else?

Key stage 1: Explain some of the special times of year for Pagans and how they celebrate with a resource from Besomcat.

Key stage 2: Lead the class or assembly in a discussion about different winter holidays around the world with a resource shared by MerryG.

Key stage 3: Use a multi- faith calendar shared by PhilippaHartley to chart different religious festivals and celebrations throughout the year.

Key stage 4: Discuss the meaning behind celebrations, life and death, evil and suffering from a humanist perspective with a resource from Humanism for Schools.

Find all links and resources at www.tes.co.uk/resources013.

Original headline: Rejoice in the bleak midwinter